The Wills' on the bus go 'round and 'round...

My masterpiece.

2009-09-06T16:01:00.004-05:00

This is my painting/ vinyl decal artwork.
Compare to the one a few posts down...
Ballard Designs = $369
Casa de Wills = $60
Sounds good to me!

Last one in = First one out. Layoff Re-hires.

2009-09-06T15:58:00.001-05:00

Had an interview with Alcon on Friday morning, the day after returning from Vegas for the past 6 days... it was a little tough to get up!
But they are only interviewing 2 people that were laid off in February, and I happen to be one of them... keep me in your prayers, and your fingers crossed!

Vegas Baby....

2009-09-06T15:51:00.002-05:00

Oh my... am I glad to be home!
I was told upon arrival at Las Vegas that it is best done in 2 days or so.
I laughed. 2 days!? There was SO much to do, how could you do it all in just 2 days!?
Well, needless to say... they were SO right! 6 days in Vegas and I was ready to come home 4 days ago!
Exhibiting at the Accessories Fashion Show from 8am-6pm, quick change in our Venetian suite and 30 minutes later was a VIP dinner session with a major client, lasting until 11pm or later. Then it was gambeling or VIP clubs until 4am (or later on occasion...) and waking back up the next day at 7am for exhibiting at 8am...alllllll ovvvvvver againnnnnn.
Glad to be home. Felt like the man hugging the pillow above...
...but would do it all again in a heartbeat!
...Now for New York in January!

Summer Projects

2009-08-09T22:48:00.004-05:00

I've done it.
I have gotten in over my little head...
Refinishing dining chairs. Gotten two recovered, two more to go. Might wait on the nice new coverings until the kiddo's get a wee bit bigger, and have better aim towards their mouths with their spoons on that though. Sanding down the other two, and maybe even the unfinished ones, to repaint, and then sand off the fresh new paint to make the "aged" look. Then to clearcoat. Sounds like way too much work to me for some chairs, but I have already started... must.....finish.....

Bought a canvas, and a vinyl wall art decal today. It's 3x2. The vinyl is a "grunge" chandalier, looks just like this. Will hang above the master bed. Will hopefully look amazing, but I have to PAINT that darn thing too...
Bought oil paints, so I need to mix with Mineral Spirits to thin out for substancial use. Will hopefully look like this in the end, but more of an antiqued yellow and gold instead of grey and white...
Darn my interior decorating motive... but guess if I'ma do it right, might as well do it myself right!? Btw this pic above is at BallardDesigns.com, and it sells for $289+shipping. I paid $59 for everything... niiiiiice.

Freedom Day

2009-07-30T23:02:00.005-05:00

SO much fun. Met with family, had great barbecue, and let the boys go swim crazy. Watched some great fireworks in Southlake, and went on a sweet date with the hubby. Special thanks to Gigi and Pawpaw for wrastlin' with the little rugrats over the weekend so Momma and Daddy could get some much needed rest!

Vanessa Swarovski Peidra Photo Shoot

2009-07-30T22:56:00.004-05:00

Twas eight in the morning, and all through the garden, people sweating like pigs... especially the "BRIDE!"
A good friend insisted I help with the portfolio for the new Bridal Line for VSP. I thought it would be fun. I would get to play dress up, and never intended on being a bride again! Met some great people, got to make kissy faces at a male model, and had a blast, even if it WAS 108 degrees in the morning! Here are just a few of the 84 final photos. If you would like to view the album- www.sillyheads.com - go to Client Viewing, password is VSP. We are on her main home page as well as her blog.

The Constitution, Morals?....What's THAT???

2009-05-20T19:28:00.000-05:00

It's sad that we have lost focus on what our country was founded on, and half the country is focused on only one small part of it: what they are "entitled" to: Freedom. It seems the term's definition has conveniently broadened. It's freedom for whatever they are doing at the time. But in the end, what is the price for the "freedom" they are so vulgarly "entitled" to? Their definition freedom is a mere decision to avoid all responsibility and accountability for things were never meant to be incorporated into the word "freedom."

It's sad and disgusting how people will compromise themselves, everything that every fiber of their being tells them is wrong, for a golf clap, or a temporary pat on the back.

It's sad how people confuse morals and values (forget intuition, or instinct!) with "human rights."

It's sad how "human rights" are more important than morals and values, because of human fueled fear.

I am disgusted...

I don't care if I am accepted. I know what is right and wrong, by God's book alone I stand, and I don't care if it makes an American angry, or they try and take away my "crown" because of a "wrong answer" in the pageant... THANK GOD for someone who will admit and stand for their morals and values, even when they aren't the majority vote.

I have morals, and values, and I can see a distinct difference between them, and today's "freedom" and "human rights." I have instinct, and a "gut feeling," and know when something isn't right. I have to wonder if people compromise, or forget, or just plain ignore these things for fear of being an "unacceptable" human.

That doesn't matter to me. He is the one I answer to in the end, and I will be happy to say that I did my best at accepting EVERY human for who they are, and never condemned, (We are all equal, bust most of us don't see it that way, especially when it comes to the unborn, like they are any different...), meanwhile never compromising His name, and what I know to be true.

It's been a looong time a'comin!!

2009-05-04T23:35:00.000-05:00

I am now at home. My two boys are growing up right in front of my very eyes, (for the moment.) I have enjoyed this time at home, and when I asked the good Lord for a sabbatical, boy did he really give it to me!
Lesson Learned: Be VERY specific when you talk to God. I mean REALLY...
It's been nice, payed up until a few weeks ago, then received severance, and submitting unemployment forms and a thousand resumes a day, (to people that are hiring, but are trying to cut rate on compensation to take advantage of people doing anything for a job!)
That's not fair... (guess I would do it to though, take advantage of supply and demand!)
I have caught up on household duties, and chores, and cooked dinner almost every night, and really became the domestic diva. But I AIN'T GETTIN COMFY!!!
I am a workin' girl, and boy does my patience show it with my sweet, darling, wonderful little 3 year old ( Mr. Know it all-ready) and my 19 month old (Mr. Screamin' Meme, defiant little bottomless tank.) I mean, somebody ain't going to make it around here! I gotta get back to civilization, the corporate politics, and real live ADULT time!
I am singing Barney, and Cars and every other little cartoon out there! Blown enough bubbles, raced enough race cars, gotten enough Play-Doh stuck in the carpets, and made enough Mac N Cheese and hotdogs to feed an army!
BUT, it's been nice... ahem...

Rookie Skiier

2009-03-18T18:09:00.000-05:00

So we got a free trip to Colorado for the family. WE are having a blast. Made our first snowman, threw snowballs at eachother, and will be going tubing tonight. It was my first time skiing... and boy did I make it memorable. The bunny slopes whooped my tail. I was going strait down (on accident) and was trying to turn, and stop... and my skiis overlap and I 360 down the bunny slope! IT was the funniest thing, Donny and I were laughing so hard. Then I fell again... yes... again! This time I revisited a childhood injury. Hurt my knee. So bad I had to take off the skiis and walk the rest of the way down. It didn't hurt, but it was floppy. You can't ski on a floppy knee. So now I sit. Knee elevated, on the leather sofa watching all the happy skiiers and snowboarders go by. Oh well, it was awesome, and I am going to do it again! This is a good excuse for the hot tub though...

Another Victim of the ever failing economy...

2009-02-18T11:57:00.001-06:00

Yes, I am talking about me. I had an amazing position at a Fortune 500 company. I wasn't EVER leaving that place. Dream job.
Then it happened... to me.
They say it was because I didn't have seniority, or "bumping rights." It sucks to get into a company you started to call home, and have to leave a year later.
I was just telling one of my three supervisors that day that it seems like a fantasy to get to stay at a company for longer than 5 years now days. I must have been misguided to think that you could get in a position, and stay there as long as you wanted, and would literally have to die to get out of. But if there were any place to do so, this was it.
SO much to my (and my supervisor's I might add...) surprise when the HR rep came my way.
I had just finished temping in my counterpart's place two weeks ago. I was supporting not only my 3 supervisors, but her 2 as well, who just so happened to be my supervisor's boss. I did it for 6 weeks, and I did AWESOME! I loved every minute of it, and worked my little heart out on the 5 of them, and the projects they threw my way.
So my supervisor's boss was the one who had to do it. He is a strong Italian man, and didn't like emotions. Didn't like them meaning that you got whatever you wanted or needed out of him, as long as he didn't have to see you cry. Ha...
So he, the HR rep, and I had a seat in the boss' office. I was heaving so hard I couldn’t' barely think, and the boss asked all pertinent questions since his quick intuition told him I could speak. Then the HR rep left, and the boss almost broke down. He excused himself to go notify my supervisors of the past 10 minutes.
I was escorted to my car, and that was it. A good friend packed my things for me, and brought them home, and I saw one of the girls on the way out, bawling, telling me she was so sorry. I couldn't acknowledge her, or I would have made a fool of myself. I was completely broadsided by the current situation. When they rumored the layoffs could be defined around seniority, I figured it was the people that were costing them WAAAY more than me. Boy was I wrong.
So, no hard feeling, just looking forward to the future. Hopefully I can get into something that blows this seemingly amazing, perfect, great paying career out of the water. God always has a BETTER plan right?
SO, here is my pitch. I have an awesome resume. I have some major skills. I have blunted the launch of a major competitor product, blowing our sales out of the water, spearheaded many organizational projects, and helped these guys travel all around the world and kept them safe and sound in swanky places, and kept MDs from getting left behind in Chicago when they had a surgery in 4 hours in San Fran. I have accomplished a lot, and my resume shows it... now I just need another place to thrive.

It finally happened, now it's time to take 'em out!!!

2009-01-29T13:08:00.000-06:00

So in relaxing, and watching my first 10 minutes of television yesterday, he did it. Jory finally said the unmentionable. Daddy and Jory all cuddled up on the sofa, and me by their side, Daddy mentions that he can see Jory's hiney, (that is a butt to all of us over the age of 5.) Then Jory says, and I quote,

"Jory has a small hiney?" Daddy replies yes.

"Hudson have a small hiney?" (Hud is little brother...) Daddy replies yes.

"Daddy have a big hiney?" Daddy replies yes again.

...THEN Jory's eyes shift to me. I give him a preemtive "Don't you dare say it," and Daddy can not control his laughing from the inevitable words about to come from our two year old's mouth. So, every time he attempts to say ANYTHING, I inform him that he should not say what he is thinking. Well, with Daddy hardly able to control his giddiness over what his son has just learned, Jory thinks we are playing. (Not to mention that at this time, I was snickering a bit as well...)

Well, it FINALLY comes out. But this time, since we have been playing, Jory thinks it's even more fun to say...

"Mommy got a BIIIIIGGGGGG hiney!"

You should have heard the emphasis on the word BIG. We were crying. Not to mention, this is something I am sure my sweet husband has thought so many times, and never gotten to say. Talk about living vicariously through your children. And that Jory repeated it 5 more times, which now had my husband inconsolable!

And I thought I was doing good, eating right, not eating after 7pm, and running my butt off. Well, obviously not enough of it.

I will be asking my sitter if he said she had a big butt today.... oh the perils of toddler-hood.

Warning Warning Warning Emo Blog coming your way

2009-01-22T11:54:00.001-06:00

Ugh, I have to get it OOUUUUTTTT!!! This week has been so tough on me. I have been dealing with more than my fair share of emotional baggage the past few weeks, since Christmas, and I just need to get out for a bit I think. Finances suck. Suck, suck, suck. And like every other woman on the planet, what do I want to do when I get depressed. SHOP or EAT. And I shouldn't do either!

My high school friend's baby died exactly one week before his first Christmas. He was the third of three kids, two girls, 8 and 4, and him. The mother is a beautiful hispanic girl, tall, thin, dark skin and eyes, the girls look just like her. Daddy is tall, blone hair and blue eyes. They wanted a boy so bad, and when they had him, finally their wish had come true. Not to mention he looked just like daddy, BIG blue eyes, blonde hair, and full pouty lips. Poster child, beautiful boy. Gone. Right from her arms, she had to try and recesitate him, with no success. I could not imgagine the feelings. Then come to find out, they actually lived in the same apartment community that we do. She hasn't been back since, and will be moving due to this. I do not blame her a bit.
http://www.kellercitizen.com/101/story/11921.html

http://setagive.blogspot.com/2009/01/from-my-daughtersuch-tragedy.html

On to other things, we be broker than a joke. We are trying to sell my husband's car for under a grand, and no one will buy it... still! Thanks to the crappy economy, no one is spending money, they are in the same boat as us. A guy from work responded to our internal classifieds, and said he would be there Wednesday to buy it, done deal, but stood us up. Stinker.... Selling an armoire as well, but once again, no one buying things that aren't necessities right now. At least no one around me is!

http://dallas.craigslist.org/ftw/cto/984418729.html

http://dallas.craigslist.org/ftw/fuo/1000393854.html

THEN, I am working my tail off, supporting 7 people in my office, because my counterpart is out on Short Term Disability, and decided to take an extra week. Meetings coming up mean extra support. Normally I support 3, so it's double the work for me! But I am doing awesome, showing what I am capeable of. And whooping some tail doing it! I am just tired. Sad, lonely, and tired.

Thought I would watch a little television last night to take my mind off of things. Just to watch a show about FBI stuff, and see a girl hang herself. One of my best guy friends just did this a year ago. To see it re-inacted in a film shot me into a whirlwind of emotion, and I had to get out. I went running. I ran my ass off, I am still so pissed that he did it, and so confused, and hurt that he couldn't come to me. I don't know if or when someone gets over something like this...

So, it's been rough. I have loved on my babies a bit more due to my friend not being able to love on hers. I have taken longer showers just to sit and think. I have eaten nothing, or left- over cassarole for the past week strait, and couldn't look at another egg noodle if I HAD to because I would rather put a diaper on my baby's bottom than to feed my face. I have ran my ass off on the treadmill to get my aggression out a little. But it's still here, and I need another outlet. I need to get away... MOMMA I'M COMIN HOME! I think a good sit out on the dam will do wonders for my wondering mind.

Take a hike

2009-01-13T12:43:00.000-06:00

From the back fourty of our parking lot. Up on a hill.

Ran 10 minutes late today, that's it! And I had to walk from the boonies just to get near a door. The wind was cutting into my eyeballs, and my eyes and nose were running from the gusts from around the 3 towers, coming in every direction. INVEST IN A PARKING GARAGE!!!!!!!

VERY important structural meeting proceedures

2009-01-13T12:36:00.000-06:00

Budget cuts are on the rise, and yet they MUST meet in Hawaii. I mean, it is only necessary to provide a completely stress free and accommodating atmosphere so they can meet, and converse, and strategize...

and golf, and snorkel, and dine on the oceanfront. Don't act like you don't know... I have seen pictures (and the bills!!!)

That's okay, I will sit here in Texas. It might be 30 degrees today, but it will be 80 in a day or two! (I am NOT jealous...)

The elevator diet

2009-01-13T12:22:00.000-06:00

We are slammed here at work, no one is going out for lunch. Quite unusual that everyone skips lunch out. Wish I could get some time at the microwave. Guess I will have to take a number.
We have 7 floors and a basement in my tower, why are there 8 levels of windows?
I found two gray hairs on my head... ripped them out with a vengeance.
My two year old is a mother- hen. He told me not to say "Shut up" Yesterday. He was right.
I changed my classic cookie recipe, and made the best cookies ever, now if I can just remember it next time.
I have started the elevator diet, AVOID THEM. (Maybe it counter- acts the great cookie binge...)
Being a hypocrite takes too much thought for me...
I can not be stressed or angry or any sort of unhappy listening to Dave Matthews.
I have lived off of Dave Matthews for the past two weeks...
I am a big fan of closure, even agreeing to disagree, as long as it's done.
I just moved my picture frame .5 degrees to the left, because it wasn't angled correctly.
Money IS the root of everything evil.
I love what money CAN get me.
This book that I am creating at work is cutting up my fingers, literally blood, sweat and tears are going into this thing. I better get a raise.
I have chosen to IGNORE politics and news for a few months, just like the government.

Posts from MySpace... Hold on, it's a bumpy ride.

2009-01-07T13:09:00.000-06:00

These are my blogs from MySpace. They are a bit older, but still me...

For the Bible Tells me so:
Protestors stood outside of the FBC Dallas Sunday morning, because someone noticed what their Sunday morning's sermon was going to be about. The pastor's collection of sermons is called "Politically Incorrect." and let me just say it is about time.
We are all so afraid of stepping on someone's toes, or hurting another's feelings, or what I like to call HOLDING EACHOTHER ACCOUNTABLE. This is (obviously) long overdue.
The reason I find this absolutely obsurd, is because when I flip to the news, it had gay rights activists complaining that the FBC Dallas was "preaching hate" which they repeated a multitude of times, all the while chanting "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so..." and signs saying "Jesus loves me too." Absolutely Hypocritical. Please, if you are going to quote a reference as your support to your protest, then why don't you utilize the ENTIRE reference.
Please refer to 1 Corinthians 6:9 where it states that (Quoted directly from the bible:) "the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God. Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."
~Now I didn't make that up, and I didn't put homosexual offenders in there with all of the other rotten acts... it is in the same Bible that the protestors have referenced themselves.
Note where it also quotes: Leviticus 20:13
"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."
~Strait from the Bible as well. Sounds pretty drastic to me, but it seems the emphasis in the Bible is in all the sins being paid for eventually, whether now or later...
On a lighter note, and the note that I wrap my entire writing around:
Ephesians 2:4
"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved."
Matthew 22:39
"Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself."
So, to all of the protestor's that think we are preaching hate, because what is being said offends you, just know this:
Yes Jesus DOES love you, just like the song and the bible say. He will always love you, and always be there for you. BUT He does NOT support your actions, or your decisions made outside of his will. Please read and take the ENTIRE book literally if that is what you are going to base your protests or your "feelings" on. FBC Dallas is obviously one of the few bible preaching churches left, and will not succom to everyone's "feel good preaching" standards. The Bible is definately not a feel good book, nor has it ever claimed to have been. It is the hard to digest, step on your toes, black and white, written TRUTH.
And if you think that our preaching from the same book you are chanting your protest from means that I hate you, then you should probably complete your research, and pick up a better hobby than homosexuality. I am not the one to judge you, and I am not the one judging you. You might feel a bit intimidated because there is a bigger and better entity judging you than me, or the church, or the world. It is Him, written from His own words, that is the one to judge you. The same words that you have turned against us.
This is the article:
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/111008dnmetprotest.1976e1397.html
and what saddens me the most are the comments that people leave at the bottom. Just goes to show that some people are so on the defense, and so closed minded to even listen to what they themselves are saying. What a merry- go- round!!!

The Never-ending Story... of my life.
I am a nice person. I personally think I am a nice person at least. I would be happy to have a friend like me... at least I think I would. And I would be darn happy to be married to a girl like me, (if I was a guy at least...)
Now that I have confused you...
I feel I am in a constant state of tail chasing. Friends, family, relationships, life, chores, money... you name it, I am chasing it. I strive for the best, and give my 110% to anyone I encounter, whether I think they deserve it or not. I was taught to be the bigger person in all situations...and I think that just might become my own demise...
Why is it when I give, instead of receiving, I have to give more?
Why is it when I work, instead of praise, I have to work harder?
Why is it when I be all I can be, instead of appreciation, I get higher expectations?
I am a striver, a deliverer, and a do-good, make it happen, work for it kind of girl... but I am just about officially worn. I try, and I pump it out, and work it out, and fix it, and answer all questions I can, and walk on egg shells, and hold a make it or break it mentality... I get it done.
I have two uber sweet and amazing, intuitive boys. I have tried to turn my body from an incubator for two, to a powerhouse, a wonderland, a cuddly pillow, and a little slice of heaven... and for some reason I still feel that isn't good enough. How do I still feel that isn't good enough? There has to be some secondary factor playing into this...
I am social. I try my hardest to make everyone happy, and with one happy person I get two UNhappy persons... that's how great THAT works. I clean, I cook, I go out, I stay in, I go to church, I have extra- curricular activities, I have my boys going to a great sitter, I have them in programs as well, I let my husband do as he pleases... all the time. And somehow, I am still not complete, and still can't find that happy medium that everyone suggests and expects me to be. I am not outgoing enough, I don't spend enough time with my sons, I am not involved enough, I am not spiritual enough, I am not a good friend, I could be a better wife, I could be more understanding, I could not wear my feelings on my shoulders...
...I see a few conflicts here that I don't think I can resolve for everyone that wants to throw their opinion my way....
But it's never enough... will never be enough... and I am chasing my tail, on egg shells that is. I wonder if others feel this way. If I knew for a fact I wasn't giving my all into everything I do, maybe I wouldn't be so voiced about this... it makes me mad when people play victim, or pull the pity me card. But seriously, where is MY slice of the pie, when do I get a break, and when do I finally feel like all of my strenuous efforts have finally paid off....
I need a sabbatical...

I want to love you more each day
I sit, and I wait. I love you.
I feel alone, empty, and incomplete when you aren't around. When you aren't in the room. If you could only see the light flash in my eyes when you walk in, feel the skip that my heart beat takes with one glimpse of you, watch the perk in my skin when you walk by, and the blink of my eyes that is a milli-second longer than usual, just when I smell you. I will be the one that loves you forever.
I wonder if I am the only one in the world that loves this way, this strongly, this sensually. I wonder if love is just an adjective to some, and not a verb, a description of all of their actions and feelings and emotions and deepest instincts from the depths of their lungs and hearts and minds and soul. I am selective, but open with my feelings, in a way that not many are. I am a lover, but I have never used the word and not meant it, and to mean it is everything to me.
I am vulnerable, open and exposed. I give my all, and then some, and then even more. I will exhaust every resource to express my heart, and when I am through, I will start all over again. My love doesn't need a return...
So if I seem overwhelmed, unhappy, distressed, and that I can't go on, just give me you, to love you forever. All I need is you and I can do anything. I love you. I love you. I love you.
And to think, I never wanted any of this...

Just to hurt the ones you love
So in my personal opinion, when someone you love does something, or acts in a way that you don't approve of, you go through it with them. If you truely love someone, friend or sole- mate or family, you don't just disown them, nor do you exploit them at their expense, but you try to salvage their reputation, or their feelings from other's scrutiny. I would never put ANY of my friend's or family's heads up on a chopping block just because of something that they know they were wrong for. They were wrong, get over it. And they usually know they were wrong. The more you let it go and let them deal with their own problems, and not making them into a soap opera, the better friend you are, and the worse they will feel for "letting you down." So to anyone who doesn't think that you should be there for your friends, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, you need to re- think and re- evaluate your own relationships, and see what really matters to you. Getting attention from someone else's downfall, and blowing it way out of proportion, or helping this person bounce back from a hard time, and getting the joy out of seeing this person learn and get that much better. Value your friends, value your relationships and value your morals. Do not be better than the person next to you for ANY reason, and if you think you are, then you now owe it to that person to bring them right up there where you are. One day, all you will have is what you are and what you have given to others... so make it great... for your own sake. All of my friends are amazing people, each in their own ways. And yes, they are all imperfect in their own ways as well, but I love each and every one of them and their flaws. And when something bad happens to any of you, I will ALWAYS BE THERE with open arms, an open heart, open ears and open mind. No matter what. I just hope that when it comes to me being imperfect, that I won't be scrutinized and shunned like some of my friends have lately. It makes me sad that sometimes we think things are so trivial, and that our relationships are so disposable. When I say I love you, I mean it with my heart. And while I may get unhappy with someone, I cannot un-love them, and will always have their best interests in my heart. I am a good friend. I will keep secrets, I will not publicize things for my own benefit, and I truely care. I am a rare breed and I know it. But I love it because my friends know that I will always be there, and they love me back. I couldn't be happier. And if you could be happier... read this again, get the lesson learned, and call me in the morning.

Or So I thought
I don't talk about it. But I sure can write about it. I am such a cover up. I try to justify the hard and the troubling with other life circumstances. "It will all be okay because of this... or that... or whatever."As long as my mind is off of it, so is my heart right?Wrong.My heart cries. My soul longs to see their face, hear their laugh, listen to them breathe. And it's not okay. I am not okay. I just say I am to avoid talking about it. Maybe avoid thinking about it..... for now.My distraction is now at a loss as well, and I am not even strong enough to deal with my own current adaptation. I had a good, an okay, but it is now with my little one. My heart aches for my Best as well. She is one of the most amazing women, and now she knows how I feel, and I am just sick. You couldn't wish that on your worst enemy, but then your best friend??? All you can do is ask why.What was the purpose?Was the reason bigger and better than our hurt?Why now?Why us.... BOTH?Does it really hurt this bad???But they are friends now, and they aren't alone. They will never feel the hurt of the world, or feel loss, or sadness, or unhappiness, or lonliness, or confusion. Nothing but pure delight, and joy, and sunshine. Our little ones are experiencing something we can only dream of. Something that could never even compare to what we know here. And throught this alone I see a ray of light. I will always remember, I will always love, and miss the one who I have never met. I said my goodbyes before I even got to say hello. And sometimes I feel nothing but guilt, for BOTH of us, and others I feel relief, knowing they are better off than I have ever been. I have so much to look forward to, and so much to look back on. To wonder if we have made the right decisions.... was there even ever a little heartbeat? My heart wrenches, and yet, I can look at our little one here, and see such a little miracle that it makes me feel amazing. Maybe we had to go through it together, to get eachother through it. Why Not? That is how every other thing in our lives are, and we are okay with that.... we like it that way. We are sisters. I love her. I love her little one, her one I will soon meet, and her one I will get to meet someday... when I meet my little ray of light. It can only get better from here.... literally.(I say this with love, with compassion, and with a heavy heart. I am doing okay, this just on my mind, and I HAD to get it off! I have had much prayer, and alot of time to think, and I am slowly healing. It just takes time. Something to get pass, but never forget. We will shine through this, and hopefully, show His mercy and give Him glory through all of our troubeling times.)

I am woman, hear me roar!

*This is one of the most amazing and impowering things I have ever read. Read this when you feel weak, and you will realize you have the love of the world at your fingertips. Endure and enjoy. Even if you feel your hard works are being overlooked, they are not. The most important one sees them, and will reward you for them. And then, when you have aged and have a family, you will see the fruits of your great works. You are an amazing woman. Do not change you for anyone but Him and yourself. *
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble CharacterProverbs 31:10-31A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her busband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. SHE BRINGS HIM GOOD, NOT HARM, ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE. She selects wool and flax aand works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her ams to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed she is colthed in fine linen and purple. HER HUSBAND IS RESPECTED AT THE CITY GATE, WHERE HE TAKES HIS SEAT AMONG THE ELDERS OF THE LAND. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. SHE IS CLOTHED WITH STRENGTH AND DIGNITY; SHE CAN LAUGH AT THE DAYS TO COME. SHE SPEAKS WITH WISDOM AND FAITHFUL INSTRUCTION IS ON HER TOUNGUE. SHE WATCHES OVER THE AFFAIRS OF HER HOUSEHOLD AND DOES NOT EAT THE BREAD OF IDLENESS. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also and he praises her: "MANY WOMEN DO NOBLE THINGS, BUT YOU SURPASS THEM ALL". CHARM IS DECEPTIVE, AND BEAUTY IS FLEETING ; BUT A WOMAN WHO FEARS THE LORD IS TO BE PRAISED. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her priase at the city gate.
*There is nothing left to be said...*

Sword Fighting

No one is perfect. I am certainly not perfect. But I don't claim to be.... perfect. I don't want to be perfect.I always strive to be a better person. But why are those that feel that they have to bring others down to build themselves up? Words hurt more than actions, and people use their tongues as swords, and just lash out at others, even if they don't know them. I don't know which is worse, doing it to someone you know, or someone who doesn't have a clue who you are. Either way, it is wrong. You cannot just go and run your mouth, and still expect people to respect you, you make a fool out of yourself. Hold your tongue, don't always say the first thing that comes to your mind. Some of us have a censor problem, and it needs to be fixed immediately, because all it does is self- destruct.
*these are words we all need to know and use:Please

Thank You

Love

Happiness

Respect

Neighbor

Appreciate

Patience

Kindness

Give

Recieve (NOT take!)

Good Will

Hope

Faith

Peace

Persevere

Innocence

Now how did that make you feel? Try and pass it on. I feel better already...

Blind leading the Blind

2008-12-09T21:59:00.001-06:00

This is just ridiculous. I left a comment:

http://www.newsweek.com/id/172653

All sins ARE equal. The only reason we aren't HEADHUNTING the divorcee's is because they don't go around promoting their divorce, wanting other's to get divorced, and pushing that it is OKAY to divorce on our children. ALL SINS ARE EQUAL, murder, Sodomy, sloth, envy... all of it. And as I myself am a sinner, just like every other human on this earth, I will repent for the things I envy, the things that I lust, and I WILL NOT flaunt them for the world to be influenced by. I AM A CHRISTIAN, and I AM NO BETTER THAN ANY SINNER in a prison, or out on a street corner. But the difference being that I will not influence others with my sins, but repent for them and help and love others to do the same. What does you being gay have to do with me? Nothing. It is your choice, but God gives us choices, because we ARE free. It is up to US to decide what we are going to do with them, and if we are going to go the way of the world (THE EASY WAY,) or to stick by His side as He has us, whether you want him to or not.

By the way, just do a simple Google search on homosexuality in the bible. No go out and buy a bible, and compare notes. Don't just take certain phrases and twist them around to make you feel better about what you are doing. I think that you will find the answer there. You might end up needing that bible someday anyway...

Fat Guy in a Little Coat

2008-12-09T17:47:00.000-06:00

Donny shrunk his sweater today. I got it for him for his birthday, he loved it. Just washed, not dryed. But maybe you should read that it is Dry Clean ONLY before you wash it. Either way, I got me a cool new black argyle sweater out of the deal... sweet! Haha!

The Passy Fairy paid us a visit.

2008-12-09T17:40:00.000-06:00

It is gone. For good. I haven't slept in days.

(I would give in, but they have all been lost, and dang if I am going out to buy more for a 3 year old!) But don't tempt me... I will cave any minute now. Screaming+ 3 hours sleep a night= Despair.

Dreaded be the day

2008-12-09T17:21:00.000-06:00

So today was our division's Christmas present exchange. Ugh. What a beating. You would have to be Houdini to try and miss something like this, since it is on company time. Smile, nod, act like you are having a jolly time. How awkward...
And then it's to the presents. Chinese Exchange style. See what someone gets, and make SURE you are last, unless the gifts get "frozen" after a certain number of tries. Then you want to be first, with the hopes of someone stealing your gift a few times. Or maybe somewhere in the middle. EITHER WAY YOU GET THE SHAFT! You bring something decent, because you don't want to embarrass yourself by buying the crappiest gift in the room that no one steals... just to recieve... the crappiest gift in the room that NO ONE wants to steal! What gives!!! Next year, I am calling in sick! BAH HUMBUG!!!

Shiver Me Timbers: Be ScARRRRRed!

2008-12-03T10:28:00.000-06:00

I have found my calling!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081203/ap_on_re_mi_ea/piracy

And I thought being a Pirate was SO last century!

Inferiority Complex- NOW AVAILABLE to all our underage friends

2008-11-19T11:41:00.001-06:00

We like to start the competition out a little early in life:

Ready, set, GO... ready or not, here YOU come.

This is so sad for these babies, truley. Don't we have anything better to do to comsume our oh so precious time?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081119/ap_en_ce/celeb_hollywood_s_hottest_tots

Land of the free, and home of the empty malls and storefronts!

2008-11-17T12:44:00.000-06:00

Ann Taylor closing 117 stores nationwide.

Eddie Bauer to close more stores. Eddie Bauer has already closed 27 shops in the first quarter and plans to close up to two more outlet stores by the end of the year.

Cache closing 20 to 23 stores this year.

Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, Catherine's closing 150 stores nationwide. The owner of retailers Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug, Catherine's Plus Sizes will close about 150 underperforming stores this year.

Talbots, J. Jill closing stores. About a month ago, Talbots announced that it will be shutting all 78 of its kids and men's stores. Now the company says it will close another 22 underperforming stores. The 22 stores will be a mix of Talbots women's and J. Jill.

Gap Inc. closing 85 stores.

Foot Locker to close 140 stores.

Wickes is going out of business Wickes Furniture is going out of business and closing all of its stores, Wickes, a 37-year-old retailer that targets middle-income customers, filed for bankruptcy protection last month.

Levitz - closed already the furniture retailer, which is going out of business. Levitz first announced it was going out of business and closing all 76 of its stores in December. The retailer dates back to 1910 when Richard Levitz opened his first furniture store in Lebanon, PA. In the 1960s, the warehouse/showroom concept brought Levitz to the forefront of the furniture industry.

Zales, Piercing Pagoda closing stores. The owner of Zales and Piercing Pagoda previously said it plans to close 82 stores by July 31. Today, it announced that it is closing another 23 underperforming stores.

Disney Store to close 98 stores.

Home Depot 15 store closings. The move will affect 1,300 employees. It is the first time the world's largest home improvement store chain has ever closed a flagship store for performance reasons.

CompUSA (CLOSED) clarifies details on store closings. Any extended warranties purchased for products through CompUSA will be honored by a third-party provider, Assurant Solutions. Gift cards, rain checks, and rebates purchased prior to December 12 can be redeemed at any time during the final sale.

Macy's - 9 stores closed.

Movie Gallery and Hollywood Video - 160 stores as part of reorganization plan to exit bankruptcy. The video rental company plans to close 400 of 3,500 Movie Gallery and Hollywood Video stores in addition to the 520 locations the video rental chain closed last fall.

Pep Boys - 33 stores closed.

Ethan Allen Interiors: The company announced plans to close 12 of 300+ stores.

Wilsons the Leather Experts - 158 stores closed.

Sprint Nextel - 125 retail locations New Sprint Nextel CEO Dan Hesse appears to have inherited a company bleeding subscribers by the thousands, and will now officially bedropping the ax on 4,000 employees and 125 retail locations.

Pacific Sunwear will close 154 stores after a review of strategic alternatives. 74 underperforming Demo stores closed last May.

Sharper Image: The Company recently filed for bankruptcy protection and announced that 90 of its 184 stores are closing.

Bombay Company: The company unveiled plans to close all 384 U.S.-based Bombay Company stores. The company's online storefront has discontinued operations.

KB Toys posted a list of 356 stores that it is closing around the United States as part of its bankruptcy reorganization.

Dillard's Inc. said it will continue to focus on closing underperforming stores, reducing expenses and improving its merchandise in 2008. At the company's annual shareholder meeting, CEO William Dillard II said the company will close another six underperforming stores this year.

What will they think of next?

2008-11-14T09:12:00.000-06:00

This world has lost it's mind. Does anything impress or surprise us anymore? We are always searching for the next big thrill, or the latest fad. E- cigarettes, brutal video games worse than Saving Private Ryan, vodka tampons, and a Wolf Granny President that even Red Ridinghood herself could have seen through. You can't impress me. I like the simple things in life.

And I don't need anything... but my boys..... and Starbucks......... and my lipgloss.................. and my Counting Crows cd......................... and this yo-yo.

Mike No- Sho Modano

2008-11-14T09:04:00.001-06:00

My two year old was broken hearted Wednesday night, when he had heard all day that he was meeing Mike Modano that night, and Mike didn't show. He bailed... must be hard playing all that hockey! When this little boy heard the bad news, the face he made could have made Ebineezer cry! So, I am writing Mike to see if he can mend a two year old's broken heart... or at least sign a hockey stick!

Tank.

2008-11-14T08:54:00.001-06:00

This baby was playin' hard at the park. Little Tanker.

Mike "Uhdahno"

2008-11-12T15:20:00.000-06:00

So our little Jory get s to meet Mike Modano tonight. I think Daddy is more excited than the boy though. We went to a Stars game about a week ago, and bought the little man a Modano Tshirt Jersey, which he can no longer live without. He is always asking, "Where my Mike Uhdahno shirt, my Mike Uhdahno shirt!!!" Now they are doing a radio broadcast with interview from a restaurant by our house, and let me tell you my boys are the FIRST in line!!! Yay team!

(Glad I can contribute to my little boy's heroes.......)

All I want for Christmas

2008-11-11T08:40:00.001-06:00

Geeze, we went right from Halloween to Christmas (or Holidays as the stores like to call it... P.C. pansies!) But literally I went to the store on October 31, for a few little things, and what I spectated was two lifts on either end of the stores, in front of the entrances hanging HOLIDAY wreathes! And two little associates hanging red and green balls on a HOLIDAY tree! Well all I have to say about that is CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS!!!! Take that P.C!!!

And since we are all in the Christmas mood (oh so obviously!) I have been doing a bit of shopping. And let me tell you how for the FIRST time in (I can't even remember how long!!!) it is for none other than MYSELF! Haha, Merry Christmas to me, Merry Christmas to me! It doesn't help that my birthday falls around this time as well, this year though, I have gone a bit mad with the "I want's" and the "Gimmie's!" And it ain't pretty. You just THOUGHT I was expensive as a teenager..... muahahaha! So just to appease myself, and my lustful and greedy sins, here is my Christmas/ MY Birthday Wishlist full of goodies I would never think to buy for myself... enjoy a good laugh!
1. http://www1.bloomingdales.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=18634&CategoryID=12286&PageID=12286*1*24*-1*-1*46
2. http://www.sunglasshut.com/sgh/catalog.jsp#view=pdp&sku=665160
3. http://www.betseyjohnson.com/store/productdetails2.aspx?productid=5721&np=6003

4. http://www.express.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=7485&parentCategoryId=2&categoryId=3&subCategoryId=3
5. http://www.express.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=3535&parentCategoryId=2&categoryId=3&subCategoryId=3

6. http://www.buckle.com/product/product_detail.jsp?bmUID=1226416457258&prd=492506042JS645&sku=7300020200&N=43+26+853&Ns=P_ProductPrice%7C1&NUM=96
7. http://www.betseyjohnson.com/store/productdetails2.aspx?categoryid=6005&productid=5752&np=6005

8. http://www.buckle.com/product/product_detail.jsp?bmUID=1226416286429&prd=33010A8ZCJAZS&sku=5166250200&Ns=P_ProductPrice%7C1&N=43+26&NUM=96

9. http://www.buckle.com/product/product_detail.jsp?bmUID=1226416324835&prd=82445140FNM&sku=5839890300&Ns=P_ProductPrice%7C1&N=43+26&NUM=96

10. http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/product.jsp?index=1&category=dsw10cat110012&prodId=dsw10prod170011&brand=

Stinking sickly...

2008-11-10T20:42:00.000-06:00

UGH..... It is taking us down one by one. It all started with the two year old, then Momma, Daddy, and it's not even sparing the baby... one by one. Sugar we're goin' down swingin!

...for the Bible tells me so.

2008-11-10T14:22:00.000-06:00

Protestors stood outside of the FBC Dallas Sunday morning, because someone noticed what their Sunday morning's sermon was going to be about. The pastor's collection of sermons is called "Politically Incorrect." and let me just say it is about time.

We are all so afraid of stepping on someone's toes, or hurting another's feelings, or what I like to call HOLDING EACHOTHER ACCOUNTABLE. This is (obviously) long overdue.

The reason I find this absolutely obsurd, is because when I flip to the news, it had gay rights activists complaining that the FBC Dallas was "preaching hate" which they repeated a multitude of times, all the while chanting "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so..." and signs saying "Jesus loves me too." Absolutely Hypocritical. Please, if you are going to quote a reference as your support to your protest, then why don't you utilize the ENTIRE reference.

Please refer to 1 Corinthians 6:9 where it states that (Quoted directly from the bible:) "the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God. Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

~Now I didn't make that up, and I didn't put homosexual offenders in there with all of the other rotten acts... it is in the same Bible that the protestors have referenced themselves.

Note where it also quotes: Leviticus 20:13

"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

~Strait from the Bible as well. Sounds pretty drastic to me, but it seems the emphasis in the Bible is in all the sins being paid for eventually, whether now or later...

On a lighter note, and the note that I wrap my entire writing around:

Ephesians 2:4

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved."

Matthew 22:39

"Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself."

So, to all of the protestor's that think we are preaching hate, because what is being said offends you, just know this:

Yes Jesus DOES love you, just like the song and the bible say. He will always love you, and always be there for you. BUT He does NOT support your actions, or your decisions made outside of his will. Please read and take the ENTIRE book literally if that is what you are going to base your protests or your "feelings" on. FBC Dallas is obviously one of the few bible preaching churches left, and will not succom to everyone's "feel good preaching" standards. The Bible is definately not a feel good book, nor has it ever claimed to have been. It is the hard to digest, step on your toes, black and white, written TRUTH.

And if you think that our preaching from the same book you are chanting your protest from means that I hate you, then you should probably complete your research, and pick up a better hobby than homosexuality. I am not the one to judge you, and I am not the one judging you. You might feel a bit intimidated because there is a bigger and better entity judging you than me, or the church, or the world. It is Him, written from His own words, that is the one to judge you. The same words that you have turned against us.

McCain take the Reigns!!!

2008-11-04T08:20:00.000-06:00

Lord willing I hope so. I don't want to think about him NOT winning. Obama's followers that actually have some education must be confused, or blinded by his chrome halo (shined by his family that contributes to his campaign, but he hasn't heard from them in YEARS, or know where they live... right?) Not to mention the people that are completely ignorant of what he really stands for (aren't we all though?? Flip flops like a dolphin!) and are just voting for him because of his "race," whatever THAT maybe, it's almost as mysterious as a Chicken McNugget...
I personally don't care what a man's race is, only if he can do the job. He could be African American Caucasian Hawaiian Muslim for all I care... wait a minute... the question being "CAN HE DO THE JOB???" With everything I have seen and heard, it sounds like he stands for one thing, and then gets a bad response and stands for the other.

Ugh... time to drive out to the boonies. I don't wanna, but somehow, somewhere, my name came up in none other than PARKER county for my voting. Well yeehawwww.
Grrrr..... and if Lame- Obama still wants to win after this, I am gonna be double pissed.

(By the way... I wear white quite well, and my white wears whatever I eat quite well also!

But it's your lucky day, the jacket comes in black too! )

Get your dollars ready Daddy, cause Weatherford here I come!

Christmas is just around the corner!

2008-11-03T16:55:00.000-06:00

You can buy me this if you don't know what to spend all your hard earned

(or earned while sipping a Pina Colada in Maui) money on:

It's a Mackage, and it's only $800, and I don't see why I can't have a few...

Freaking Weatherford!!!!

2008-11-03T16:26:00.000-06:00

Dad- gum stinkin Weatherford! I have gotten married, AND changed my address like, 10 times since I lived there for a quick minute. Guess they need a head to count on their population census. Now, since I am crazy busy, and missed early voting (yeah, don't go there!) I have to go vote in none other than WEATHERFORD!!! I can't wait... might run inta one them there family memburs photo'd on the righte there. Argh...

In Response to your...

2008-10-31T08:25:00.000-05:00

A response to the step mother: Go figure.

You question why the bad things are always remembered, and that no one will accept or acknowledge your apology, but dwell on the bad things that you have done. I am not perfect, and I have never claimed to be, not once. I know my flaws, and I am the first to act on correcting them. But I do not try to excuse them. If you are apologizing, that means that there is NO excuse to what you have done, and you are REMORSEFUL for what has taken place. And if you feel that you need to follow up an apology with a rebuttal then you need to re-think your apology. And, when you apologize, it is not for recognition, but for repention. You cannot apologize, and then expect a song and dance because you have.
The negative usually outweighs the positive emotionally, no matter the situation. We do not DWELL on these negative things, but they literally scar our insides, and the positive, or apologies for the negative, merely suffice as a "Band-Aid" to our wounds. So of course, something that IS life altering, will be remembered. If you want your apology to be accepted by others, you need to apologize to yourself, and forgive yourself first. You can't sell something that YOU don't even believe in. Others just won't buy...

So, I can still be hurt, it's called being a human. I can forgive, but I can't just forget. And yes, an internal wound will always be there, and we can replace our band-aids and get on with it. Just be thankful that some of us can accept these band-aids time after time after time, and aren't just a "Self Healing" or bleed it out type.

The Neverending Story... of my life.

2008-10-29T14:20:00.000-05:00

I am a nice person. I personally think I am a nice person at least. I would be happy to have a friend like me... at least I think I would. And I would be darn happy to be married to a girl like me, (if I was a guy at least...)
Now that I have confused you...

I feel I am in a constant state of chasing tail (my own tail that is.) Friends, family, relationships, life, chores, money... you name it, I am chasing it. I strive for the best, and give my 110% to anything I encounter, whether I think they are worth my time or not. I was taught to be the bigger person in all situations...and I think that just might become my own demise...
Why is it when I give, I have to give more, not be given the opportunity to recieve?
Why is it when I work, I have to work harder and no praise?
Why is it when I be all I can be, I get higher expectations and not appreciation?
I am a striver, a deliverer, and a do-good, make it happen, work for it kind of girl... but I am just about officially worn. I try, and I pump it out, and work it out, and fix it, and answer all questions I can, and walk on egg shells, and hold a make it or break it mentality... I get it done.
I have two uber sweet and amazing, intuitive boys. I have tried to turn my body from an incubator for two, to a powerhouse, a wonderland, a cuddly pillow, and a little slice of heaven... and for some reason I still feel that isn't good enough. How do I still feel that isn't good enough? There has to be some secondary factor playing into this...
I am social. I try my hardest to make everyone happy, and with one happy person I get two UNhappy persons... that's how great THAT idea works. I clean, I cook, I go out, I stay in, I go to church, I have extra- curricular activities, I have my boys going to a great sitter, I have them in programs as well, I let my husband do as he pleases... all the time. And somehow, I am still not complete, and still can't find that happy medium that everyone suggests and expects me to be. I am not outgoing enough, I don't spend enough time with my sons, I am not involved enough, I am not spiritual enough, I am not a good friend, I could be a better wife, I could be more understanding, I could not wear my feelings on my shoulders...
...I see a few conflicts here that I don't think I can resolve for everyone that wants to throw their opinion my way....
But it's never enough... will never be enough... and I am chasing my tail, on egg shells that is. I wonder if others feel this way. If I knew for a fact I wasn't giving my all into everything I do, maybe I wouldn't be so voiced about this... it makes me mad when people play victim, or pull the pity me card. But seriously, where is MY slice of the proverbial pie, when do I get a break, and when do I finally feel like all of my strenuous efforts have finally paid off....

I need a sabbatical...